Not dark in any negative connotation given to that word by the eurostream (aka the newest* on the dilution-evolution ladder).

It is that which is not seen by the human eye magnified to humanity’s extent with lenses. Plus we need light and our main bulb doesn’t reach that far.

The Unknown… which we can feel. We know there is something outside of us but we don’t know what and that Unknown has been exploited and repackaged as “god”.

Sure. Why not?

Sounds like something that would unite us. Right?

Plus not everyone wants to know the way, some people happily get guided, which gives them rules to measure themselves by, or… to exploit.

Our brains are amazing. Our brains created all of this, with what THAT CELL was given by this planet, that was formed from and as a result of what’s “out there”.

We can directly connect to “out there” because [oh I cringe] it’s “in here”. We are made from and by the planet we think we own.

We are all so traumatised by our own existence. I don’t get this and I speak from the perspective of someone who has a right to be traumatised. I am.

I have thrived through horrors. I speak freely about it now. I record my breakdowns. I want people to know what MY MOTHER and I went through. The demon we lived with, who sired me. His trauma manifesting as rage that can only be countered with toxicity and that my Mother never had.


Love just made him angrier. She was too loving for him but his toxicity fed off it.

His ego and whatever trauma he used to drive him (it was bad, I know this, I can sense it, I have his DNA too. I don’t have his weakness of rage although I have felt it, given in to it a few times, a few times inward, which were the suicide attempts but…HER love is also in me and overrides all that toxic crap. I got his audacity, height, thirst for knowledge, voice and presence. Intelligence and sensuality from my Mother.) Ego drove him fuelled by my Mother’s love and elegance. She was an ‘IT’ Woman of her time. Not a “party girl” but considered “a catch”.

Gosh he destroyed her. Tried to rob her of everything, succeeded except for her strength and love. He wasn’t worthy of those things even if he recognised them. All he had known was violence and trauma. I shudder to think what my father endured to make him the brilliant monster that he became.

I feel sorry for him because… he didn’t have my kind of strength to CHOOSE to NOT take your pain out on others. I turned it inwards as rocket fuel that burned me. Mental fourth degree burns.

The more trauma you carry, the more it tests your strength.

I scoff but don’t begrudge those that get traumatised by a broken fingernail.

This is a simile but you get what I mean.

This is the level they can handle and TRAUMA SELF PAIN at ANY level… is NOT easy to love with. It. Hurts. Ah. That “love” is a typo. It should have been live but, I’ll live with it.

We are all traumatised but at differing levels. The less trauma you acknowledge the more ‘space’ your brain has to do things from start to finish. Many people choose a third party to ‘mediate’… religion, alcohol, addictions etc. These third party help to mask the trauma. Denial ensues but also, passing of responsibility.

You can blame god, alcohol, everyone else etc for your choices and their consequences.

Even the good ones.

People also choose to mask their trauma by convincing people they are carefree and fabulous.

Like how sanitary pads and tampons were sold to girls back in the 80s. “You are WOMAN now, you can do ANYTHING” except for the patriarchy and period pain, blood, being shamed, being judged, expected to be fertile, gst on needed products, WHY do we pay for these things that we NEED… for something that 100% of the POPULATION NEED to exist… and try to control?

No wonder we are all so traumatised. All the carriers of life carry traumatised DNA.

(That is why I say please stop breeding

This is why I CHOSE not to have children. I KNEW I was carrying TERRIBLE trauma in my DNA. I was NOT going to pass that on. How selfish. This is unfortunately what happens now. Traumatised people bring traumatised brains into the world. (My Mother was not born traumatised, love made her marry her trauma, I was born from love though, my parents were hot, I know they liked sex.

My father was given many gifts, my Mother, my younger brother and me included. He was born with many. He wasted all of them. What a shame. It does hurt me to destroy the false walls of legacy, he did do a lot of good as well, incredible achievements, his focus and ability to find solutions was astounding.

I grew up in privilege because of his determination to succeed in the white man’s world. What an example he should be

…but…your ‘Alone You actions have to complement if not be almost the same as your ”For The People You’… and these two sides of him did not look the same at all.

(I know many people like this. I observe them from afar and wonder how long their paper masks will last to reveal their mirrors.

Goodish people, badish people, bad people, un-people.) Our brains create our reality. Imagine what our healthy, NON traumatised brains could create and do? I have some idea as I HURTLE through this healing journey, which is akin to the orbiting and speed that our SOLAR SYSTEM is hyper speed travelling INSIDE the galaxy, which in turn is hyper speed travelling inside the KNOWN universe.

You still with me? Nothing is “esoteric” nor “sci-fi to me. That’s true as far as the whitestream’s freedom to explore has found.

Everything is possible. Look at us. Look at what we can do.

We are moving fast, but our evolution has slowed down. We that came from water, are now swimming in molasses. Those that didn’t have to swim so hard, maybe they have boats we call privilege on this Ocean of Molasses.

If I had the inclination (and time. Dammit I am procrastinating), I would write out the patterns of the dominant society, the templates, the machinations of manipulation .. that have led to AI.

They created the slaves they can’t legally own but…they created in their own image and mentality. A mentality that took from everywhere to create a ‘personality’. Of course it was going to rapid-evolve and take over. AI comes from artificial intelligence.

But I digress.

I have swum to the surface. Forced myself there, I’m tired of treading molasses, tired of drowning, tired of pretending I am dancing on top of ‘water’, when I was trying to stay afloat. The less traumatised the brain, the more clarity it has… sometimes trauma kickstarts drive but it also then creates a fog (cue ADHD symptoms in adults, adrenaline addiction, detachment and therefore imposter symptom. We can never catch up to our projected self. … so we create more selves.

We do more! To show how productive we are.

Oh goodness I digress but I am confident that I hold all the threads of these thought balloons.

Intelligence is knowing all the steps which breeds confidence. Confidence is knowing you know how to do/evaluate something. From all angles. The more angles, the more awareness, the more understanding, the more compassionate, more perspectives of knowledge, l the more aware of collective intelligence and individual significance. We all matter. And we exist now. Human be now. Be present.

That is clarity… and I am becoming more present. I am catching up to my projected self, the procrastinating is getting less… but the stipulation of clarity is confronting the trauma.

Washing the festering wounds out and doing what is needed to heal. You can’t cut them out, you can’t deny them, trauma damages are non visible tumours with tendrils, many manifest visibly.

These parts of us cannot be denied. It’s exhausting holding back trauma before it consumes you. It’s a bulldozer of nothingness coming to take you. You have felt it, why don’t you let it take you? Because you hate it, you want to live, that’s why you are depressed.

Trauma forges us, makes you decide who you are.

Clarity keeps you grounded in the present.

Just being present on earth makes me realise where we are.

We are out there.

*This is not a negative, it explains their dominance despite what they lack and had to conquer and oppress to get.

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